It is hard to believe that in just 3 more days, my little peanut (aka Shiloh) will be a whopping
3 MONTHS OLD!!!
First night sleeping in the Pack n Play (5 days ago)
It's even harder to believe the 30+ hours of labor it took for this precious gift to become a reality.
WARNING - this is a long blog post, so if you don't have time to sit down and read for a few minutes come back another day and enjoy!
Some of you know I have a high threshold to pain (broken pelvic bone, nose and ankle all without much pain), so I was opting to go au natural with this birth - that's right NO PAIN MEDS!!! Now many of you moms out there might think that I was crazy for even thinking of going down this road, but I've always been one to avoid medicine if I can and use diet and exercise to cure any ailments I do.
To make this pregnancy a little more fun, my lovely sister Brigetta was due with her 3rd beautiful baby on March 6th a week after I was due. I was very excited to have a cousin so close in age for our baby girl.
Jump to February 28th I'm due the next day, but I haven't had any contractions and all my doctor's visits tell me no dilation, but it can happen at any time so I'm not worried. All of a sudden a vibration.....my mom (who had flown out for the birth) gets a text from my sister at 7pm saying she's been having contractions all day and should be heading to the hospital later that night......WHAT?!?!?! How was this happening? She always went on her date or a day or two before, but not over a week. And this was my week to have the baby - didn't these kids know that?
Fast forward 12 hours and my sister has now delivered her 3rd a beautiful healthy baby boy - Elijah Manning (not after Eli - and trust me I double checked!) So now the pressure is on - it's February 29th early in the morning and I start to feel what I think are contractions. So what do I do - like any first time mom I begin timing them immediately (AWFUL, HORRIBLE, STUPID idea!) WARNING!!!! If you are a pregnant right now reading this, take my advice and DON'T time anything until you literally CANNOT stand the pain anymore. Otherwise like me you will waste the next 12 - 15 hours timing your contractions, which are about 5 minutes apart, only to be told by the hospital when you call "you're not in enough pain, call back in 2 hours." WTH? You're not in enough pain!!! Don't they know I have a high tolerance to pain! I'm going to be having this baby on the floor of my in laws bathroom at this rate.
Fast forward 6 days (yes 6 which for those of you keeping track means I missed my due date and am now approaching my sisters due date). Quick recap of the past 6 days, contractions, increasing in intensity, always anywhere from 2 - 5 minutes apart, consistent, mind games of "maybe this is it" or "this morning/today/tonight will be the night" and then........contractions would stop/start/stall/disappear, and always not be enough to get me to the hospital. But now it's Monday and I'm at the OB's office discussing my potential induction. I say potential because I'm sitting through the whole visit with contractions every 3 minutes and they really hurt this time (the only time in my life that I have gone looking for pain.) And the best news yet - I'm 1.5 cm dilated!!! The NP is positive I won't have to be induced and should have the baby that night or within the next 24 hours. Kelsey and I leave the office so relaxed and relieved - IT is finally going to happen. All the miles and miles (and I do mean 2+ miles a day) walking around the neighborhood are finally going to pay off. Our little girl is almost here......
And then the contractions stop all together.
At this point, I am still hopeful that things will start up in the AM, but alas they don't and I go about my daily routine, which I have done for the past 8 days, watch the Chew/The Doctors/Dr. Oz, walk up and down the stairs, bounce on the exercise ball, get on my hands and knees swaying my hips to move the baby into position, eating lots and lots of pineapple, because they "say" it can soften your cervix, and still nothing........
Around 3pm they start up again, but I'm not saying anything to anyone. Everyone get's to excited and I just can't go through it again. Could these be different? They are slowly getting stronger and more and more intense, but I don't let myself go there. I decide to make dinner for everyone to distract myself and have my new favorite pizza - artichoke hearts, olives, sauteed red onions, and tomatoes with crumbled goat cheese on flatbread. But now the contractions are getting within 10 minutes apart, but still I say nothing. I tell Kelsey I'm having contractions, but I don't want to get everyone worked up, so we don't say anything to the moms. We all eat dinner, watch "The Biggest Loser" and then I decide to go to bed. Around 11pm, they start to get A LOT stronger and I think "maybe I won't have to be induced after all - I still have 9 hours til my induction". But I know they may tell me to call back or wait two more hours, so I don't say anything to Kelsey (who's sleeping before we get the call from the hospital at 6am to tell us when to come in.)
Finally at 1:30 (after 2 hours of increasingly stronger and stronger contractions) I tell Kelsey to call the hospital. I silently say a prayer that we get the right resident on-call and that they let us come in. And WE DO!!! She tells Kelsey that they may end up sending us home, but to come in and get checked out (especially now that I am at 41 weeks). So we quietly grab our bags and slip out of the house (we didn't want to wake anyone and decided not to text anyone until we knew what was happening.) We drive to the hospital, and there is a peaceful stillness as we drive. All the way contractions are 2 - 3 minutes apart and I'm so sure that I'm going to get to the hospital and they are going to tell me I am 5cm dilated for sure. They hook me up to everything and looking at the monitors, they are sure they are going to be sending me up - contractions look strong and are every 1.5 to 2 minutes now. Then they go to check my cervix......
"Uhm I can't find it?" Argh....but luckily I had already gone through this with my OB so I knew this might happen. TMI WARNING: apparently my cervix was really really really far back and hard to feel, so after maneuvering myself in an awkward position so the doctor could check it, she discovers I am still only about 1cm. WHAT?!?!?!? How could this be, baby girl and I have been pushing and contracting for hours and hours now. But God does work all things, so the resident checks with her attending to see if they can start induction now instead of waiting until 8am. We get the "OK" and pack up and head to the high risk pregnancy ward (where they keep you when you start induction until you move to L&D).
What follows for the next 24+ hours will be burned in my memory forever: 12 hours with the first cervical drug that doesn't work (contractions 1 - 2 minutes apart and painful), despair and heartache that my body is not working the way I want it to, a shower, some food (12hrs before only liquids and I hadn't eaten since 6pm the night before), onto the next cervical drug for 6 hours, again liquids only, contractions painful and 1 - 2 minutes apart. The doctors come in 3 hrs into the treatment to check and see (apparently the monitors were indicating a change.) I heard in a walk in the ward outside that 3cm was getting a woman to the L&D side so I desperately asked God "Please, Please let me just get to 3cm!!!" What do they find after another awkward check- 3cm!!!! Kelsey and I are already to pack up and head out, but I have to wait for the medicine to go the full 6 hours, so we stay put and watch another show on TV.
Now a side note about my doctors, from the beginning of my inducement (which they told us could take anywhere from 24-36 hours - not at all what we thought going in) they told me they were going to do everything possible to help me have a vaginal delivery and avoid a C-section. I really believe that God orchestrated everything so that we would have this team the majority of the time, they were the best team that we could have asked for.
Pain, I am feeling it more and more now and have been feeling it for a longer stretch (almost 30+ hours). This leaves me with a new decision before me, and probably one of the hardest ones I had the whole time. Do I take an epidural or not? I have now been awake for over 40+ hours and been having intense contractions for 30+ hours. I have only had mini naps (5 - 10 minutes) with all of the contractions and am more exhausted than I have ever been in my entire life. I had said from the beginning that I didn't want to take anything, but Kelsey was asking me to consider it (he could see more clearly than I how exhausted I was) and so where my doctors. They all knew my position on medicine, but they also knew it was only going to get more painful when they broke my water and gave me pitocin. My nurse in the high risk ward had not used drugs but her daughter had and she said it really was up to me and that they (doctors and nurses) will support my decision either way. She said it would get more painful that it was now, that is was doable, but there was nothing wrong with getting an epidural either. She also went to check on who the nurse in L&D would be - and it was Marie!!! Marie was the best nurse to have if you wanted to go without meds. I was so excited I knew God was answering my prayers. I said I wanted to talk with her before making any final decision.
It's now 1am and Kelsey and I are walking across the hall to the L&D side of the wing. I am so excited to know that this is FINALLY happening and that we are going to be meeting our baby girl in a matter of a few hours (she was laying really low, so we basically were just waiting for my cervix to open up and she would almost pop right out). I get situated and the gyn resident comes in to break my water. I was so excited, exhausted, and elated to get to this point. And then they came.........contractions without the cushioning of amniotic fluid! They came fast and they came hard! Marie quickly showed me a technique that I could do to elevate some of the pain. Every minute Kelsey was helping me to put pressure on my hips to elevate pain and it worked, but I began to think....can I do this for another 5 hours or so looking at 30 - 60 contractions an hour? Could Kelsey - he had been up almost as long as me? Would I be able to have enough energy to enjoy my baby girl when she arrived? What happens when they inject something into your back? What if they did the epidural incorrectly?
Marie was awesome and full of information. She told me it was going to get more painful then it was right now and that if I tore that could be painful too. She said she had tons of experience doing natural, no med births and would be with us every step of the way, she also explained in detail how they did the epidural and that the anesthesiologist on that night was awesome. So after praying and weighing all of our options I decided to get an epidural. It was hard and a decision I still struggle with a little to this day. For many of you, you will see it as no big deal, for some you will think I caved or was pressured (which I wasn't). I included this portion in the story, because it was a part of labor that I hadn't prepared for - being late and having to use drugs. I had prepared for a potential C-section (my mom had 4 and I had broken a pelvic bone early in life), going early (my sisters had) and having to have my water broken (another sister had). But THIS this I had not prepared for. So around 3am after having an epidural I was given pitocin. Two hours later I was at 8cm, and by 6:30am I was at 10cm and started pushing at 6:45am. By 7:17am I had birthed my first child and was awake and alert to see her and smile at her beautiful face. It was such a surreal moment when that final push came (after my great coach and partner in life Kelsey had counted me through each and every push) and this HUMAN pops out of me. They put her on my chest and I think, "How did you fit and grow inside of me?" "How can my heart be SO full of LOVE when you haven't even spoken one word?
Thank God for the gift of my husband who prayed and asked God for wisdom on an epidural, because today, I have a happy and healthy baby girl, I was alert and awake to love on her from her first breath, I didn't feel myself tear (or the stitching up) and I healed relatively well after a week or two. Now if I hadn't had the epidural I would still have had my daughter, she would still be healthy but I would have been exhausted (I sleept for an hour before pushing) and slept that first day instead of spending it with her and Kelsey.
Now why share all this???? This isn't meant to sway people one way or another on epidurals or what to do when you have your baby. I feel when we share our lives, is to be able to look back on these events and glean new wisdom and to share that wisdom with others. From this experience, I have learned I tend to rethink decisions I cannot change (like whether or not to have an epidural after already having my daughter) and that I could put that energy into the process before the decision is made and once it is trust that God is guiding me, and most importantly I have another example of how I have an amazing husband/best friend/life partner/parent in Kelesy.
Fortunately God continues to bless me with more awesome people by giving us Shiloh!
Thanks for reading my Labor of Love and remember the greatest LABOR of LOVE of all was given by God when He sent Jesus down to take the place for us and our sins - giving us life with God for all eternity.
